Pink for October

Some years ago, my mother passed away after a long struggle with breast cancer. On May 9th she fell into a coma and died of a brain haemmorage. When I found out, I went into shock, and suffered a type of amnesia which has left me with very little memory of her. I am eighteen now, and once in a while, I smell a scent or see a sight that makes me think of her. Sometimes I even remember things about her, what perfume she wore, how she spoke. Little things.

Most recently, I was in a department store, and stopped short, after having smelled something that brought back the memory of being about six or seven, and in her hospital suite bathroom. I remember pulling the emergency cord, thinking it was the light. The nurses ran in thinking my mother was in trouble, and my mum just laughed. This is one of the most vivid of the things that have come back to me.

Another time, I went through the crap in my attic, to find a pink dolls house. I couldn’t remember whose it was, until I remembered Mum coming out of hospital the Christmas before she died, just to give it to me.

Some memories I have had are harder to deal with. Sitting on the bathroom floor while my mum was in the bath, her hair falling out, and my dad bringing home a wig in a white box. I took it to her in bed one morning wrapped up like a gift. She was always smiling though, nothing seemed to phase her.

Although I can’t remember much of my mother, I do remember her struggle, and how hard she fought the cancer that eventually won. When things like this come about, and you realise how much people do really care, and how many other people have been through the pain, it really does help.

Coincidentally it would have been my mother’s 53rd birthday today, so happy birthday Mum.

—Lizzie